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“How do I know I’m grieving in the right way?”
- GRIEVE IN YOUR OWN WAYIt is so difficult to say goodbye. No one can tell you how to grieve. There is no normal time span during which healing takes place. Some may vehemently protest that the death has occurred; others may quietly resign themselves to the reality. Some may cry hysterically; others may remain outwardly impassive and emotionless. Some may even blame themselves for the death; others may project the guilt upon God, the physician, the nurse, the clergy, a friend, or even another member of the family. The grief process is never the same for any two people. Don't compare yourself with others in similar situations. Be your own timekeeper. Heal in your own way and in your own time.
- ACCEPT YOUR EMOTIONS: Death brings so many reactions in widely contrasting combinations. Allow yourself to feel these normal emotions.
DENIAL: This occurs when you secretly pretend your loved one will return and life will go on as before. It is so hard to realize that in your lifetime you will never again see or touch your loved one.
PANIC: You feel like you are losing control, panicking over things you used to do with confidence.
ANGER: Hostility is one of the most difficult emotions to handle. Some of us have been taught that anger is a wrong feeling. Resentment is a normal part of the grief process.
GUILT: You have enough pain. Problems can't be solved with "if only". The past is over.
TEARS: For some, tears are the best therapy for emotional strain, for men as well as women and children. Weeping is a natural way to ease anguish and release pain. Everyone needs some kind of outlet to discharge pent-up emotions.
- SHARE YOUR FEELINGS WITH OTHERS: It is not enough to recognize your conflicting emotions, you must deal with them openly. An emotion that is denied expression is not destroyed. You only prolong the agony and delay the grief process. Find a good listener, someone who will understand that your feelings are normal responses to your bitter grief.
- RECALL THE UNFORGETTABLE MEMORIES: Sometimes bereaved individuals feel the solution to the grief is to attempt to "forget". However, it is good to recall the life of the deceased. By recognizing the wealth of the past, you can better understand why you are grieving.
Copyright Hope for Bereaved. © All rights reserved. Hope for Bereaved. Inc., 4500 Onondaga Blvd., Syracuse, NY 13219. Article from Hope for Bereaved handbook, available at above address: $16.00 plus $4.00 shipping and handling. (315) 475-4673, 475-9675.
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