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Support Groups: the Five Most Commonly Asked Questions
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Everyone seems to have advice on how to cope with the death of a loved one. Some words are wise. Some cause even more pain. And some are simply confusing. For many, a bereavement group may be their first experience of a support group in action. Following are answers to the top five questions that grieving people ask about support groups.
What exactly is a bereavement support group?
A bereavement support group is a meeting of up to 10-12 people, all of whom have experienced the death of a loved one. It’s an opportunity to talk about what that experience has been like with a group of people who are likely to understand, because they themselves have been there. Often, attendees describe a bereavement support group as a “safe place,” a place where normal people who have experienced significant losses can tell their stories as often as they need to, knowing that those stories will be respected and held in strictest confidentiality by everyone present.
A bereavement support group is not a therapy group. When it works well, it is healing…but it is not intended to cure long-standing issues of emotional well being. For that reason, most grieving people who have a history of emotional difficulties are encouraged to seek out individual counseling for griefwork. Similarly, a bereavement support group is not primarily a social network. Often friendships develop as people get to know each other but that is not the purpose of the group.
What happens in a bereavement support group?
Generally, the facilitator of the group will start by describing the principles by which the group is conducted; for example, reminding the group that what is said is confidential. Often each person is given a chance to introduce himself and to tell as much or as little of his story as he wishes. An open discussion period is usually included, and some groups also include educational input by the facilitator.
Who runs a bereavement support group?
People with many different backgrounds can facilitate bereavement support groups. Some support groups, called self-help support groups, are facilitated by people without professional training but with significant personal health professionals; individuals with training in social work, psychology or counseling.
Whatever their background, the role of a facilitator is to make certain that the bereavement support group is a “safe place.” While a professional facilitator may provide some information on the grieving process, the most valuable input usually comes from the group members as they share their stories and experiences.
Why might a support group be helpful?
People who attend support groups find them helpful in tow basic ways. First, they are able to connect with people who have had a similar experience and who, therefore, are better able to understand. Second, they can talk about their experience long after others have stopped listening.
How is a support group chosen?
Finding a support group that is comfortable for the individual is most important. Look for a group that meets two criteria: 1) a facilitator who appears to be knowledgeable about grief and has expertise at facilitating a support group; and 2) being able to identify with other grievers (for example, other young widows or others who have lost a loved one to cancer).
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