Self-reliance and independence are part of the American DNA. We’re encouraged from childhood to do things for ourselves, and although being a team player is valued in sports and business, admitting you need help is viewed as a sign of weakness or ineptitude.

If you’re a caregiver, though, you know that getting help is critical for your mental and physical well-being. “Lone Ranger” caregivers are more likely to find it hard to provide the best care for their loved ones.

Do you have trouble asking for the help you need? Before you can come up with a solution, you’ll need to uncover your reasons.

They may be practical:

• It would be more trouble than it’s worth to explain all the ins and outs of your loved one’s care.
• Your loved one has trouble communicating and gets frustrated when others don’t understand or can’t determine his or her needs.

Or they may be emotional:

• If you do a good job, you’ll win approval or love.
• This is your responsibility to bear.
• You’d feel guilty if you “neglected” your loved one by doing something for yourself.
• If you let someone else do it, you might become replaceable or less important.

As you address your reasons, think about the sort of help you might like, as well as what you prefer to do yourself: 

• What are you good at?
• What do you dread doing?
• Is there something you need or want to do that you haven’t been able to?
• What tasks are you willing to delegate? 

Consider upcoming events, as well. If your loved one will be undergoing treatment, this might not be the time to “train” a family member so you can go to a movie—but that family member might be able to arrange for neighbors to bring over a few meals. Maybe you haven’t been able to go to church or temple for a while and you’re missing the fellowship. Is there a friend who could take your loved one to breakfast so you can attend soon?

When you’re ready to ask for assistance, try to silence any negative thoughts about imposing. Keep in mind that people like to help others, especially those they care about. When you don’t let friends or family know you need help, or you decline their offers, you both lose out: You don’t get the help you need and they don’t get the chance to do something for someone they care about.