Balancing caregiving and working is no easy task. Seeing to the needs of a loved one with a chronic disease or health condition requires near constant attention: medications to manage, doctor visits to arrange, bills to pay. “People are human, and they just can’t keep up the pace of a full-time job and full- or part-time caregiving. Something has to give and, at times, it may be their work situation,” says Judy Santamaria, director of VNSNY’s Family Caregiver Support Program. Caregivers often find themselves taking time off or bringing their caregiving duties to the office, and even the best boss in the world can lose patience.

Though you might be tempted to keep your caregiving obligations to yourself, Santamaria says a better long-term strategy is to sit down with your boss to come up with a solution that works for the both of you. Here’s a plan of action:

1. Understand your employee benefits. Before you talk with your boss, contact your human resources department to find out what caregiving benefits your company offers. You may be able to take advantage of generous personal or sick leave policies as well as flex time, job sharing, leave sharing, employee assistance programs (which might include access to a geriatric care manager) and even mental health services for caregivers.
2. Understand your rights. The Family and Medical Leave Act permits employees to take unpaid leave from their jobs for up to 12 weeks within a 12-month period for a specified family or medical reason without the risk of losing their jobs. Learn more about it here. 
3. Be prepared. Know what you want before you sit down with your boss. “Come in with a solution,” says Santamaria. After you’ve researched benefits and rights, look at the situation from your boss’s perspective and develop a proposal that addresses both of your needs. Present a few possibilities (Can you take advantage of flex time or share your responsibilities with another employee? Is it possible to spend a day or half day working from home? Can you change some of your job duties?), and be flexible as you discuss alternatives. “Just as your responsibilities as a caregiver are real, your boss’s concerns are real, too.”
4. Keep the lines of communication open. Let your boss know that you are open to continuing the conversation. Set up a time for the next talk. Offer to re-evaluate every few months. “If your boss knows you’re willing to be flexible, if things aren’t working, he will be more open.”

Doing these things shows your commitment to your job, says Santamaria. “I recommend telling your boss how important your job is and how committed you are to it.” Companies typically want to keep good workers because it is much harder to hire and train a new employee than to give a good employee some short-term accommodation.